In the warmth of the returning sun, I found solace on my linen sheet, indulging in a grounding Pilates session to untangle the myriad thoughts and worries clouding my mind. Lately, my heart has been heavy with the roller coaster of emotions tied to my daughter's battle with addiction, her promises for a brighter future echoing in my ears. Excitement and hope dance with fear as I navigate this familiar yet tumultuous journey.
November ushered in a different chapter—my daughter behind bars, a circumstance that carries an air of change. Her words, filled with dreams and promises, strike deep chords in my heart, resonating with the shared aspirations of a mother and the whispered desires for her child's well-being. Pollyanna dreams tussle with the pragmatic voice in my head, urging caution against the soaring hopes that can plummet so abruptly.
Simultaneously, my personal healing journey took an unexpected turn. Reflecting on decades of self-imposed restrictions—calorie counting, fasting, endless cardio—I acknowledged the toll it took on my body. June 2022 became a pivotal moment as I embraced weight training with a trainer, a decision that not only reshaped my physique but also unraveled layers of healing I hadn't anticipated.
Guided by a compassionate trainer, I relearned the art of nourishment, dispelling myths about beauty standards that haunted me for years. As the scale tipped in unfamiliar directions, I grappled with the internalized criticism, learning to silence the self-imposed bully and embrace a newfound patience for my body's evolution.
The healing journey extends beyond the physical. It delves into the emotional landscape, challenging ingrained beliefs about worth tied to numbers on a scale. This candid catch-up is a testament to the ongoing struggle and triumph—a journey towards self-love and acceptance, a narrative I share with vulnerability and raw honesty.
As sunlight bathes my Pilates sanctuary and linen cradles my being, I recognize the layers of healing—unexpected, challenging, and profoundly transformative. It's a journey that unfolds one step, one session, one revelation at a time. Join me in embracing the unexpected nuances of healing, the sunlit Pilates sessions, and the profound beauty of self-love.
much love,
~j
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